We are really moving along with this equation, aren’t we? We’re already at Part Three! If you missed either Part One or Two, please look back and catch up with us…because this is way more than MATH! This is how to bring your old relationship into a whole new dimension of intimacy and joy.
So instead of the old formula of bringing two half people together and struggling with all your old emotional issues..you know the scene…here’s how to bring one whole person to face another whole person and become a glorious WE.
|Our shadows are often what prevent us from having a fully evolved relationship. All our unresolved issues rise up in anger or jealousy or resentment and get dumped all over our partner. And vice versa. It’s a dumping party! And eventually, it’s a divorce party …one where only the lawyers leave happy:)
How to change this?
Well first, we have to acknowledge that we all have shadows…they are a part of our humanness.
But we can move beyond blaming others for our emotional issues and take responsibility for our whole selves. We can divorce the need to dump on our partner, instead of divorcing our partner. You see what I mean?
How do I go from being a half person to being my whole self? Good question!
Body. Mind. Soul. They each need to be taken care of in order to become your Noble Self, the best that you can be. And of course this is an on-going commitment. We must continue to take care of ourselves…body, mind and soul… every day of our lives.
We can move from constant unwanted Drama in our lives to Divine Comedy. We can move from lack of trust to full loving trust in ourselves and in others.
When two whole beings come together, they unite their dual yin and yangenergies and what a glorious rhythm this creates! No longer does the female have to hold onto the kite string of the male to prevent him from flying off into the stratosphere. By becoming whole, she can enjoy her male and female elements. And so can the male. What an abundant banquet!
So much of this change from the old to new way of relating is about communication and the way we do this. I’ll show you what I mean.
Old way: “You make me feel angry, sad, frustrated…etc when you ….”
New way: “ I’m noticing that I am struggling with my anger and I’m putting it on you when I get triggered by __. I’d like to change that.”
You see? This way, each person takes responsibility for him/her self. And this leads to an increased ability to self-regulate. This is Relationship Gold!
So what qualities are needed to make this work?
Here they are:
1. Willingness. You have to want to step up to the plate.
2. You have to lean in …with Fierce Gentleness. Be present with strength but without being aggressive….try it!
3. Sincerity. You won’t be perfect all the time…no one can…but if you approach this sincerely, your partner will feel that…and that can make all the difference.