I had a client ask me this question and I’ll bet a lot of you out there have wondered the same thing.
Well OK—here goes.
I can tell you that the cost is high AND I can also say that the courage required to have that courageous conversation is not to be sniffed at. It takes guts to take it on.
So let’s talk about both issues…the high cost of not having it and a few tips on how to take the leap into a courageous conversation.
The real cost of not having the conversation is …Resentment…that’s Resentment with a capital R. You end up resenting yourself for not doing what you know to be the right thing. Now partner that up with the inevitable Resentment for the other person. Double whammy!
Then what happens is that you start to shut down because it’s too painful to face that resentment. You know you are not living up to the promise you’ve made to be and live from your True Self. And that hurts. The costs spill over into other parts of your life…your career, your family, your health, your friends. You have stepped away from being your real person.
There is no way around this one. It requires you facing what you know to be true in order to live your meaningful life. You can’t do this when you are cowering in fear from what your heart knows you need to do.
So, how to muster that courage! Well I’m going to go back to basics and so should you. Take a look at your self-care, starting with your body. Check out the Self-Care Calendar
You know you need to be engaged and be physical in the ways that feel good to you. Sitting staring at a screen all day is not stimulating creativity, curiosity or connectedness with your world. Our natural state as humans has always been involved with movement, sensation and engagement with our surroundings. That’s number one….give your wonderful body some loving attention. And then lean further in and take care of your mind and soul as well. Writing about the conversation will help you acknowledge the importance of listening to your deeper self and it will clarify what you want to say.
Conscious self-care will give you the courage you need to have those conversations that will open doors to new areas in your relationships…with yourself, your partner, friends, family etc. Figure out what you need to take care of yourself…the benefits are huge.
Now, here are a few tips to help you leap into that conversation:
Don’t decide to do this after a long, hard work day. You could make this suggestion to your partner—“You choose the time and place and I’ll show up.” And make sure it’s not a rushed time or a noisy, crowded place.
Don’t start down this road when both or either of you are hangry or distracted. Allow space and calmness to surround you.
Pick your battles…if you decide to run at every little ripple in the stream, you will be exhausted and barely keeping your head above water.
So choose the conversations that really need to happen and do it when you both have some energy, privacy and a place that allows you to focus on each other.
Remember courage comes from your heart…so make sure you are coming from that place…not from your head or from your ego that just wants to be right.
One more thing…after building up your great courage and diving into the conversation, you may feel enormous relief and assume that it’s a done deal. Remember… the other person hasn’t had the ‘benefit’ of stewing about this for months on end. It may come as a bit of a surprise. So, with all the fierce gentleness I know you have, be prepared to :
-allow time for this to sink in,
-repeat the conversation if needed,
-not be attached to a particular outcome,
-listen actively to your partners response…this is not a monologue, it’s a conversation. The other person may have perspectives you haven’t even thought of. It’s an opportunity for growth for both of you.
I hope this has helped you understand the importance of having courageous conversations, the risks to your well-being for avoiding them and how to approach them with openness, love and curiosity. Happy leaping!